I don't believe that your dinner was as amazing or delicious as you say it was! Oh, you posted a photo of it on Facebook? Ok.. I believe you now.

There's nothing like a brisk morning jog to start my day. Just kidding! I don't do that.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself... and cancer... and getting fired... and grizzly bears... and bankruptcy... and rabid dogs ... and dying alone. But that's about it, so, whew!

If you get the feeling that something awesome just happened to the universe, it’s because I just woke up.

If everyday is a gift then today would be a really lame pair of socks.

I need some more of "The nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, how the f*ck did I get on the kitchen table... medicine".