I like it when I delete people from my friends list and then they constantly try to re-friend and poke me. Stay desperate my ex-friends.

You really don't need spiced rum to enjoy eggnog. Vodka works just fine. in fact, you don't need the eggnog at all...

Hey adorable couples who feel the need to express their undying love for each other on Facebook: learn how to text.
Love, Everyone else

I love all of my Facebook friends ..except for you # 206. You, sir, are an asshole.

Dear Santa, let me explain...

I wish I could make my toaster dance like in Ghostbusters II. But I don't have any ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.