I can tell by some people's sarcastic undertones, inappropriate comments, and shear lack of common decency, that we could be the best of friends in no time.

I think it would be really nice if maybe, just once, someone would call me "Miss" without adding, "You're making a scene".

This ten dollar beer tastes like I'm dumb.

If you think you're going to get me to like you by complimenting and flattering me, well I have news for you, buddy! That shit works.

I don't believe that your dinner was as amazing or delicious as you say it was! Oh, you posted a photo of it on Facebook? Ok.. I believe you now.

There's nothing like a brisk morning jog to start my day. Just kidding! I don't do that.